Lament enters the complicated space of deep disappointment and lingering hurt, and it boldly reaffirms the trustworthiness of God.

I find that most Christians strongly believe that a joyful response should characterize their suffering, but they don’t know how to reconcile their deep questions, honest struggles, and nagging doubts with the command to “give thanks in all circumstances.” The gap between their internal struggles and what they believe can feel like the Grand Canyon of a faith crisis.

The result is often two extremes. On the one hand, I’ve seen people fake their way through pain. They tell people, “I’m fine,” when nothing could be further from the truth. On the other hand, the enemy can use this struggle to cause them to doubt either the substance of their faith or even the legitimacy of Christianity. Something’s missing.

The Language of Lament

Like a few pieces missing in a puzzle, adding the language of lament completes the picture. This historic minor key language creates a pathway to praise. It bridges the gap between a hard life and trusting in God’s sovereignty. Lament is a divinely-given liturgy for processing our pain so that we can rejoice.

The Psalms are full of laments. Over a third of the official song-book of God’s people uses this minor-key language to wrestle honestly with the complicated contours of pain. The journey, however, does more than struggle. Laments use the honest rehearsing of grief in order to deepen our confidence in God’s grace.

Lament enters the complicated space of deep disappointment and lingering hurt, and it boldly reaffirms the trustworthiness of God. It’s a helpful and life-giving language that transforms our pains into platforms of praise instead of pits of despair.

Learning to Lament

Unfortunately, I don’t know many contemporary Christians who know how to lament. Our celebratory singing, while not wrong, doesn’t usually lead us through our sorrows. It just drowns out the struggles with invitations to rejoice. But embracing joy without wrestling with tough questions can feel incomplete – even fake.

We need to learn how to lament so that we can truly rejoice. 

Turn to God

Pain creates a strong temptation to give God the silent treatment. Confusion, exhaustion and disappointment can cause us to retreat from the one who knows our sorrows. Even worse, the poisonous mist of bitterness or anger can sweep in, creating a fog of unbelief.

Lament talks to God about our pain even if it’s messy. It takes faith to lament. Silence is easier but unhealthy. Lament draws upon what we believe, and it talks to God as we walk through hardship. Consider the gut-level honesty of Psalm 77:1-3, “I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate, my spirit faints.”

Even though comfort feels distant and God seems far away, the Psalmist reaches out to God. Laments invite us to do the same – to keep crying out in prayer through the ups and downs of hardship.

Ask Boldly

Christians lament because the events of life seem to be incompatible with God’s promises. Lament not only acknowledges this tension, but it invites struggling believers to keep calling upon God to act. But lament seeks more than relief; it yearns for God to bring the deliverance that fits with his character. Godly lamenters keep asking even when the answer is delayed.

“Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, ‘I have prevailed over him, lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken’” (Psalm 13:3-4).

Lament affirms the applicability of God’s promises by asking again and again for divine help. In so doing, these requests become hopeful reminders of what God can do. Asking boldly serves to strengthen our resolve to not give up. But it also encourages us to embrace the destination of all lament: trusting praise.

Conduit for Praise

Once you learn the language of lament, you can begin to understand what was happening in the past. I’ve had many conversations with tear-filled people as lament explained their messy journey. Still others felt relieved because they wondered if they were being sinful because of the complicated emotions they battled. Lament gave them a voice and a process for their pain.

Knowing you should rejoice without understanding the path can be disheartening – even leading to despair. Laments provide the way for moving through loss to hope. And by learning this language, we receive the grace God provides through this minor-key melody. We can discover a path to praise when lament is the song we sing.

Mark Vroegop is the lead pastor of College Park Church in Indianapolis, Indiana. He is the author of “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament.”

This article was adapted from a post of the same name on crosswalk.com.