Do you know someone with a
troubled marriage? Have you been directly affected by marital breakdown?
Rare is the person who can answer no to these questions. As a pastor, I
am deeply troubled by the number of marriages that are in trouble.
In offering help for troubled marriages, we must first recognize that
there are no perfect marriages. All husbands and wives struggle with
relationship difficulties. People sometimes ask me if my wife and I ever
argue—as if being a pastor means I have a perfect marriage. I am
painfully aware of most of the imperfections I bring to my
marriage. Why do people insist on believing in a superhuman marital
ideal? We must not set our hopes on an unrealistic and unattainable goal.
If you live an active and engaging life in a fallen world, you are bound
to experience the stresses and frustrations that test a marriage.
I am suspicious of anyone who claims a trouble-free marriage. We don’t
want to be like the man who never argues with his wife because they never
talk. Some marriages give the appearance of unusual harmony because one
partner bends to every whim of the other. These are dysfunctional
marriages. Don’t be fooled by them. I recall a newly married person
proudly declaring that she had a better marriage than others who had been
married much longer. This was easy for her to say because her marriage
had not withstood the inevitable tests of time.
Thankfully, there are marriages that have withstood the tests and are
meaningful and mature examples for young people. The number of such
marriages, however, is rapidly decreasing. There are far too many
marriages in our communities that are hanging together by very thin
threads. When marriages are like this, it is almost always due to
significant patterns of neglect. Make no mistake: a good marriage takes
work! It requires commitment and sacrifice on both sides.
Many husbands and wives do not enjoy the meaningful companionship they
long for because they are unwilling to invest the time and effort
necessary for attaining it. Neglect, complacency, assumptions, taking
each other for granted—these are the more subtle threats that ruin
marriages.
Another reason some marriages don’t survive is the refusal to seek help.
Those who find themselves in an extended or often repeated “marital rut”
might need the assistance of a wise counselor to successfully get out of
it. Wives are generally more willing to accept counsel than husbands. The
ever-so-tender male ego has held many couples in marital misery.
Don’t be like the fool depicted in the OT book of Proverbs. He was doomed
to his foolishness because he refused to accept correction and counsel.
There are many seasoned counselors who can help you understand and work
through the obstacles to meaningful companionship.
Remember, “Two are better off than one, because they can work more
effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up…Two
people can resist an attack that defeats one person alone. A rope made up
of three cords is hard to break” (Ecclesiastes 4:9,12).
The “third cord” of a meaningful and lasting marriage is God. As husbands
and wives cultivate their relationship with God individually, they will
make a strong contribution to their marriages. We were made by our
creator to live in a personal relationship with him. He has graciously
opened the way for this to be possible (see: John 3:16,17).
If your marriage is in trouble and your mate is unwilling to recognize
it, you can always seek help for yourself. Ask God to use your marital
difficulties to refine your character and strengthen your relationship
with him (see: James 1:2-5).
Almost twenty years of marriage and raising four energetic children have
taught my wife and me many lessons about life and marriage. The road has
not always been smooth but we have made some basic commitments that have
helped us.
Although I am not available to counsel every troubled marriage, I would
be pleased to send anyone a list of the basic commitments that have
helped us. If you would like to receive this list or share it with
another, mail or e-mail your address to me at 58 West Frederick Street,
Millersville, PA. 17551 or s.cornell@millersvillebiblechurch.org
Steve Cornell
Senior pastor
Millersville Bible Church
1.God has demonstrated His love for them: (John 3:16, Romans 5:8).
2.God desires their salvation: (1 Timothy 2:3-4, 2 Peter 3:9).
3.God has made provision for their salvation: (1 Timothy 2:5-6; 4:9-10,Titus 2:11, 1 John 2:2).
4.God calls on them to repent: (Acts 17:30).
5.God will hold them accountable for their response to His provision:(Romans 2:4-11; 14:11, Acts 17:30).
6.God takes no pleasure in their rejection of His provision: (Ezekiel 18:23,32).
7.God will save them if they place their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ:(John 3:16; 11:26, Romans 10:13).
For In-depth Study
Who opens the hearts of people so that they might believe and be saved?
Matthew 11:27, John 6:44, John 16:18, Acts 16:14, Romans 1:16
Why are people blind to their need for salvation?
Jeremiah 17:5,9, Luke 8:12, Luke 16:27-31, John 5:39-40,
John 12:37-41, Acts 7:51-53, Romans 10:14 (w/Acts 26:14-18),
Romans 11:7-8, 1 Cor. 1:26-29 (w/Matthew 13:22), 2 Cor. 4:3-4
This Songtime handout by Pastor Steve Cornell, Millersville Bible Church
Steve's 2003 Speaking Schedule:
March 18-19th Sandy Cove Pastors Conference, Maryland
April 22-27th Belfast Ireland, Missions Conference (for Scotland, England & Ireland)
August 3-8th Sandy Cove Summer Conference with Dr. Tony Evans
August 11-17 Harvey Cedars Bible Conference with Dr. Woodrow Kroll